Today was a surprise.

The clinic

It was the kind of surprise that comes from that wishful place in one’s soul. That place where some of those unspoken prayers lie –

those prayers one fears if spoken out loud, and then might not come to fruition as one hoped- would prove to be unbearable.

We went to the clinic this morning in order for Bella to have her dastardly stitches removed, her casts replaced with a new more mobile pair.

Bella has had anxiety for a few days now leading up to this particular appointment. The combination of having the “drill” saw her casts off, then the pain of having the stitches removed, plus the pain of having her legs twisted and torqued this way and that to accommodate new casts is just too much for her heart to bear.
So, we had pain/anxiety meds on board.
And once again, as her Mama, I did not sleep much at all last night.

The drilling and sawing and stitches removal was as expected.

Nerve racking.

Tears producing.

Emotionally exhausting.

As the surgeon talked with us, a surprising turn of events revealed itself.

The surgeon began to instruct us as to Bella’s care now that she would no longer have casts on her legs.

Did I hear that right?

No casts?

“Yes” replied the surgeon, “Bella is healing better than we expected, therefore we can skip the final stage of casts.”

Martin and I just about high-fived each other right then and there!

And then I heard a sniffle…

And to my dismay – there was our precious Bella, tears running down her face.

And as we questioned her, we came to realize that a new and very legitimate set of fears were settling in.

Won’t it be painful to walk?

How will I do it without the support of the casts?

I am afraid, Mama. I do not think I can do it.

So real. So understandable.

And yet…

I believe God’s care for us is a generous portion.

I believe that we saw that very clearly today in clinic.

And it is not a one-time gift.
It does not expire.
It cannot be earned.

It ebbs and it flows.

So, today, amidst such inexplicable exhaustion and anticipation of this next chapter,

I recognize and accept His generous portion with a thankful heart.