A few weeks ago, I took my two daughters to a medical practice for something routine.
My eldest, always at the ready to greet anyone with a smile and a hug, produced both to those willing to receive them.
My youngest, however, responded to the offer of physical contact, by turning her body away from this individual and firmly stating that she wanted to be left alone.
At this point the individual looked at me, rolled her eyes and responded within earshot of both my daughters,
“That kind of drama is why I am so glad I have boys.”
First of all, I have to tell you I am more worried about my eldest daughter’s response to this almost stranger than I am about my youngest’s response. I believe we all to enthusiastically encourage females to be polite, complacent, and eager to please. And when they do not respond accordingly, we are quick to label it as “drama” or “strong-willed” (meaning we need to read some books on that as to how to tame it).
In regard to the particular statement said in front of my daughters.
Girls Playing in Surf // Edward Potthast // Painting Oil on canvasboard // Height: 21.59 cm (8.5 in.), Width: 26.67 cm (10.5 in.) // Private collection
I have heard it numerous times before, have you?
And if you are a mom of boys, perhaps there is an equivalent, but I cannot speak into that with any authority.
There are many from whom I have heard this statement made that I love and adore as mom friends. Many. I am not in the business of using a blog to throw people under a bus.
This statement does hurt when it is said to me, however.
I’ll tell you why.
I had a very tough time getting pregnant.
I had a miscarriage while teaching my high school students one day.
I have a medically fragile child.
Our first Ethiopian daughter passed away from kidney failure before we could bring her home.
So, when I hear a statement such as was said by this medical professional, I just want to scream amidst tears,
Do you have ANY idea how much I longed for these two beautiful miracles with whom you have the extreme pleasure of interacting?!?
And do you have any idea how many women are longing still?
Or mourning the loss?
My dearest friends who are Moms of boys :: if I should EVER say anything that could possible elicit the same kind of response as above, I am giving you my full and eager permission to pull me aside and graciously school me about it.
My hope is that we as moms can unite together to seek out the very best we see in each other AND each other’s kids and to then use our voices to outwardly praise and build one another up.
Our kids need that from all of us.
Desperately.
I get the “I’m so glad I have girls” comment frequently – but it usually happens when my boys are doing something exceptionally daredevil and heart stopping. So, it’s totally different than what you experience. People point out the ACCOMPLISHMENTS of boys and make a comment about their perceived in ability to just handle the potential broken bones and injury. In some ways, it’s another comment that puts down the ability of girls. As though only boys would ever be able to do something so daring. Bleh.
Thanks for sharing that, Alissa. I love the men you are raising your boys to become. 🙂
For most of my life I have been called “Assertive” (with a capital and not in a nice way) meaning “bitchy” or “pushy” or any other insulting thing for a girl/woman who doesn’t agree to being complacent. It has caused me much anxiety and self-reflection, which continues to this day. I am (trying to) teach my daughter to stand up for herself including advocating for herself in difficult and uncomfortable situations. It makes me so angry that we- I include myself in this- still fall prey to the dominant stereotypes of how boys and girls are “supposed to act.” There are differences, FOR SURE, between boys and girls but so often those differences are simply individual. I rejoice that I have the privilege of parenting two boys and I am thankful EVERYDAY for my daughter. I am babbling and tired, but as always, Carrie, thank you for bringing up a great topic!
Elise – I have often been labeled the same. And as a child, I was seen as “bossy” or “outspoken”, etc. Let’s continue to encourage each other in those strengths of our character and as moms. Thanks for sharing your experience. Another way in which our journeys are similar.