Swim.

I started swimming when I was four years old. I joined my first swim team competitively at age 5 and for the next 8 years – I never took home a ribbon that was not 1st or 2nd place in any event. My swim coach, Dave, was the type of coach every kid should experience. He saw the potential in every kid he coached and received no greater reward than to push until that potential was fully achieved. He loved to celebrate milestones and he did so with fanfare. Around […]

Read More →

Us.

That video. No warning. Triggers for so  many, many women and girls. Her legs flailing. Her head snaps back. The legs of the chair off the ground. His arm. That body lifter arm. Around her neck. Terror. Sheer terror. And then her voice. The cry of a child wails and dear GOD. My heart. Our hearts. our collective hearts. Break. Into a thousand pieces. That is MY daughter right there! Fiery and sometimes obstinate – sure of herself and unwavering and distrustful at times. That is MY daughter sensing that a male with power is not worthy of it. By GOD, no he is not and what can she do? Really? What are her choices? Put her head down,  not look him in the eye,  refuse to respond,  in guttural response to her  GOD GIVEN INTUITION that yells in her ear –  WATCH OUT. And then it starts –  the insanity. Because that is exactly what it is. Insane. Irrational. Noise. Judgment reigns harsh and prickly –  words on repeat, such as disrespectful, disruptive, deserved, did-you-see-the-other-video? Who are YOU in this scenario? No, seriously. Everyone has a role in this. EVERYONE. So, what’s it going to be? The silent, yet watchful, bystander? The argumentative naysayer? The avoider? Who are YOU? No one is being unfaithful to a profession by calling out the mire and the muck within it. In fact, if we were to truly look at the unfair bias that […]

Read More →

A Meme, a Selfie, and a Tweet Walk Into a Bar…

This past weekend, my husband and I instilled something radical into our family life. We reclaimed Sundays. My childhood reflects a time when retail businesses were closed on Sundays. Need a quart of milk? Well, then, wait until Monday my friend. I grew up in the part of the country that is now Silicon Valley. San Jose was the land of fertile soil where we picked peaches in the rows and rows of orchards. In grade school, I was given a Macintosh rainbow icon sticker by a classmate, which I proudly proceeded to adhere to […]

Read More →

Remember.

Bella asked me tonight if I remembered the day of her birth. Boy, do I. I remember so many things, and yet, there is so much I do not remember. I remember the roads to the hospital – the route we took so many times. Too many times. I remember the look on my doctor’s face as he read that long trail of paper coming out of a machine at the end of all the wires and connectors and sticky things all over my body. The look on his face was followed by these words, “Care (he always called me ‘Care’) :: we need to perform an emergency C-section on you, Kiddo. Right now.” That was all he said – that was all he needed to say. The look on his face said the rest. I remember, that during the C-Section, the anesthesiologist whispered encouragement in my ear:: “You are doing great, Carrie. ” “Don’t you worry. Everything is going well.” I remember seeing my Bella for the first time as the doctor raised her up – she did not make a sound – and then she was rushed out of the room. She was brought back in, but I was not allowed to hold her. Not yet, they said. I remember sitting in a meeting room, in a circle of chairs, all doctors and specialists. I remember tears streaming down my doctor’s face:: “I wish I could have known,” […]

Read More →

I Am Enough

We talk about dreams a lot. Have you noticed? In fact, we are an entire nation built upon them. We are a nation that freely bares our soul, shares our stories, and as such- people come from all over the world in pursuit of their own. I certainly am a dreamer. If I were to describe it on my resume, I would reframe that as I am a visionary. And as I look around me, much of what I see is a result of dreams I have had over the […]

Read More →

10.

My daughter turns 10 years old one week from today. My entire week has become devoted to planning the ultimate Minecraft party. We celebrate birthdays quite enthusiastically around here. Let me tell you why.   My Bella is a medically fragile child. I just learned that term about a year ago when a professional referred to her as such. So, there you go – a medically fragile child. Bella has Congenital Nephrotic Syndrome of the F1 variety – basically, the most rare. You can google it. Keep tissues handy if you […]

Read More →