Yesterday, on Facebook, a pastor wrote the following::

Don’t hide your scars.

They are a testament to God’s grace and your fortitude.

Our scars can even serve as encouragement and wisdom to many.

 

When Bella had her broviac catheter inserted into her vena cava, one of my first questions to the surgeon was :: “Will there be a scar there? Do you think it would be visible when she is wearing a prom dress?”

Admittedly, a strange question. And the surgeon was very gracious in receiving such a question and in answering in such a way to bring a mother comfort.

Why is it that scars – whether they be external or internal – are such a source of shame? The reality is, EVERYONE has them. Not one person is immune to it. Not one.

And yet – we can become almost manic in our desire to hide them.

Bella had a doctor’s appointment today. Molds were taken of both her feet, which in two weeks time, will become inserts she will need to wear in her shoes. And she will need these basically for the rest of her life. And we will start physical therapy as well in order to help Bella learn how to walk correctly – for the first time – without pain or unnecessary strain.

We were reminded today that although the surgery will allow for some correction, for her not to be in pain with every step she takes, our reality is that she will always have problems with her feet.

So, we take another hit.

We add some physical and emotional scars.

Lately, there has been this tugging at my heart. This whisper in that innermost part of my ear, that says,

“Dearest Beloved- what do you believe? What do you believe in your heart of hearts?

Is it enough to sustain you?

Will you let ME be enough?”

I don’t have answers, but I do have scars.
Many.
So, for now, I will let those scars speak on behalf of the one who calls me Beloved – the one who gently nudges me, and longs to sustain me.

And who longs to sustain Bella.

Scars and all.